I'm sure many of you human types have been quite embarrassed when in the midst of a cocktail party of some other such gathering, you beloved dog lies down, ducks his head and begins slowly, but surely, licking his privates. I know because I've seen that flush, that blush come over my own human's face many a time. Sometimes she acts like she and the others in the room don't see what I'm doing -- trust me, they know exactly what I'm doing -- and other times she giggles and says something clever like, "well you would too if you could." My guess is she reserves that statement for close friends and family. At least I hope so.
So why, you ask, do dogs do the dirty deed for all the world to see? Well the truth is, there ain't nothing dirty about it (my human is from the south so saying things like "ain't" is totally acceptable in our house). To the contrary . . . I'm simply cleaning up the family jewels. It's called good hygiene, cleanliness . . . and isn't that what you humans say is next to Godliness? So what's all the noise about?
Let's be honest -- you humans think I'm simply taking a dive south of the border because it feels good . . . and, of course, because I can. But you only think that because that's what you'd do, 'if you could too.' So don't be projecting your dirty little secrets of us dogs. We're strictly in it to protect our assets. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Stay tuned for another of Max's Musings.
Max Schultz was born and raised in Chicago. He now lives with his mother and bird brethren in New York City where he has become quite famous and is often referred to as the Mayor of 57th Street. A mixed breed, his friends and family have decided to create a new breed - the Terradoodle - to define the undefinable. Max's Musings is a regular blog intent on sharing a wise dog's perspective on life.